Bones Are Heavy

It's Friday and all day today I have been hovering between bones and clouds--lightheaded and rootless. If I were in my pajamas in bed watching Netflix movies, then who cares. But Friday is a work day and there are rituals of work to live by. Shower. Dress. Eat. In the office by 10. Professional. I am a healer. I work with spirit guides. All communication channels must be clear. People are paying good money for this.

I am sitting across from my client.
She is timid, shy.
She watches me for clues.
Am I listening? Am I hearing her? Can I feel her?

I am trying.
But, I am nauseous again today.
I feel my face flush.
My stomach rumbles fiercely.

Are you okay? she asks.

I don't know. How can I know? What tests can I take? What proof is there to be had? I don't know.

I started a new treatment. It's a chicken and vegetable (yeah, that's it) diet called the Eubiotic Diet. It's supposed to help decrease the inflammation in my body so that I am not in pain every second of my life. So far, I feel spacey and hungry and pissed off. I want butter. I want hard alcohol. I want pizza because, damn it, it's Friday. I ease my discomfort by spending a small fortune on the few gourmet permutations of chicken and vegetables at the grocery store. There aren't many and so I convince myself that coconut is a vegetable and buy frozen coconut pops.

I like to see myself as an adventurer with an intrepid palate. These days, all the adventure I get is whether or not I can get to my office ten blocks away without having to make a wild u-turn home for the toilet.

I want to save face.
I tell her, "Yeah, I'm fine. It's just the energy moving through me."
But,
I am hungry.
I am so hungry.